UNCOVERED! Finally a use for Hollywood drunks!

Yesterday Aviation Week and Space Technology announced that on at least two occasions astronauts on the space shuttle team, were so drunk that they posed a significant risk to themselves and the mission! (And that's not including the astronaut wack-job that drove 900 miles in diapers from Houston with a hammer, "just to talk to her for a minute!" Hey sweetie, I think your oxygen mix is a little too rich - dial it down huh? That's it!)

[As an aside - You can't throw a "bone" like this in front of Chuckie Shumer! I'm sure there's going to be many Shumer Press Conferences and Committees formed to take a look at our loopy lunar lander's! Another committee headed by John Conyers would certainly need to be formed to investigate just how long President Bush knew about all of this, and why he decided to cover the scandal up! Certainly impeachment is possible!]

But wait - there may be a silver lining in having a drunk Shuttle crew! It means, there really is a use for some of Hollywood's greatest drunken screw-ups! Take four for instance - Lindsey Lohan, Brittany Spears, Mel Gibson, and Paris Hilton can all be named as the newest crew members for NASA's next Shuttle Mission. Think about it..... they'd all get major wardrobe additions. (Yes, Paris there's a pink suit for you!) They'd all get a great deal of publicity, and the photo ops "at launch" are to die for! None of them would really have to "drive" cause the Shuttle is basically a "point and shoot" and all of these nuts are used to that - So no civilians would be put in jeopardy having these ding-bats behind the wheel!

Best of all, our new astronuts would have complete, unfettered, 24/7/365 access to a group of professionals dedicated to listening to every narcissistic word. The NASA scientists don't get out too much...so having 4 Hollywood stars to dote over for the next few years would just be a dream come true for NASA! Can you imagine having CAPCOM in Houston fighting over what song they're going to use to wake these jokers up with each morning? The theme from Braveheart or the Oscar winning, "It's hard out here for a pimp!" (Oh yeah, that'll work!)

You and I, well, we'd get the best of it for once. We'd have the pleasure of living on a planet where we didn't have Lohan, Gibson, Spears or Hilton driving motorized vehicles, or on the news every night of the week. Maybe it's too much to ask for but perhaps someone at NASA could "oops" the return flight instructions! An added bonus would be NASA getting something exciting to do...(you have to admit recent Shuttle Missions have lacked an exciting plot line!) With any luck at all, Paris would be able to 'mistakenly' make another sex video with Mel, Brittany and Lindsay! NASA could market it!

Oooo! That's hot!

"QUEM DEUS VULT PERDERE, PRIUS DEMENTAT"