Where do I apply for this Job???

There's a job opening coming up on January 1st, 2007 that I just have to apply for! Secretary General of the United Nations. Having watched in wonder these past 10 years while Kofi Annon "performed" in the position. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, "Never has one man - taken so much - from so many!" I have to tell you - I can do this job!!!

I just read the rundown on the retirement benefits and they're right up my alley! (More on that later).

The job requirements are pretty simple. You sit at a round table with an antique earpiece cupped to your ear. (Listening to U-2, the Dixie Chicks, a little Bjork). You nod contemplatively at the "double-speak diplomacy" paraded around the hall, offering infrequent judgment on parliamentary procedures. Every once and a while you decide to invite one or two of the world's known (and well-heeled) terrorists or despot's to New York to address the "World Body," (deriving abject glee at stomping upon the rights of the United States citizenry that have to fund your Cabal-on-the-Hudson).

Making a decision is simple enough. At the end of each day, you confer privately with the delegations from each Middle Eastern country who contribute freely to your favorite charity....The Kofi & Kojo fund for underdeveloped bank accounts....and decide the most diplomatic way to vote against the United States, Israel, and any other country backward enough to support the two Satan's.

At night you dine (for free) at any restaurant you desire. While your limo with Diplomatic plates is double parked outside. At a reasonable hour you drag your worn out body home to your (free) multi-million dollar house in Manhattan (with remarkable views of the river). Partake of a late night Sherry or Port & retire exhausted from your daily schedule.

Following ten "grueling" years at this highly demanding post, you can retire.

CHA - CHINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Ahh, look children, there he goes....riding off into the sunset in his golden chariot. Kofi Annon, "Defender of the Faithless," "God-like Visage of all those who hate America," "High Priest of the Oil-ith for Food-ith Program," "Champion Emeritus for the Downtrodden with Deep Pockets." Live well & long Krusader Kofi!!!!

On your $12,000 a month, lifetime pension! (That's $144,000 a year folks - oh, by the by, tax-free!) Don't spend your previously cashed-in $1,000,000 pension all in one place either! And don't forget during your retirement, should you ever run across that paltry $2 BILLION that's "gone missing" from the Oil-ith for Food-ith Program, you'll be sure to send it back to us won't you?

Stop laughing at us Kofi! - Didn't your mother ever teach you it's impolite to laugh at SUCKERS?

Dum Spiro Spero

(Although, In this case it might be better to spell it DUMB!)